|
Wednesday, 04 June 2008 10:01 |
|
Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not easy and
can cause any parent a lot of stress. There’s so much to worry
about – dating, drugs, alcohol, sex, school grades, just to name
a few. But one crucial element often gets overlooked until it
manifests itself in extreme ways (like through an eating
disorder). I’m talking about self-image. It’s extremely
important that parents ensure that their children have a
positive self-image, especially in relation to their body.
The key to ensuring strong self-esteem and a positive body image
starts with the parent. If you don’t feel positive about your
self-image, then how can you expect your children to? While this
is important for both daughters and sons, it is especially
critical for raising a healthy daughter. And beginning the
lessons when a girl is young is imperative, so don’t wait until
it’s too late – teaching your daughter to feel good about her
body needs to start at a very young age.
Eating disorder experts say girls are developing eating
disorders as young as 5 and 6 years old. And a recent study
indicated that 70% of the sixth-grade girls they surveyed said
they began worrying about their weight between ages 9 and 11.
Why are so many young girls thinking that they are fat? Many are
obsessing about their weight because they have parents who are
preoccupied with their own poor body images.
While the statistics are disheartening, the good news is that
there’s a lot that can be done to help our children have
positive self-images. And, even small changes that parents make
can help. Here are few tips to help your children avoid warped
and negative body images:
·Establish a “no diet talk” rule. When your children are nearby,
DON’T talk about dieting or how fat you feel! This is extremely
important. Remember, kids are listening all the time (even when
you think that they aren’t – especially then). So, even though
asking your spouse or friend “do I look fat in this?” may seem
innocent, it can have a life-altering effect on your kids when
they repeatedly hear it. ·Parents aren’t the only adults that
influence their children. Set the “no diet talk” rule mentioned
above for all adults that are around your children. This means
you shouldn’t allow your friends, parents, siblings, neighbors,
or anyone else to talk about being fat or being on a diet when
they are around your children. ·Set a good example. If your
children never see you engage in fitness or if they hear you
complain about working out, then they are going to have a
negative image of exercise. Let them know that you workout to
stay healthy, to be strong and to have more energy and stamina
(so you can keep up with them)! ·Get your kids involved in
sports. Experts say that playing sports really helps build
confidence and improves self-esteem (especially for girls).
·Teach your children to include physical activity as part of
their daily routine. But don’t force them to exercise. Make sure
that the physical activity is seen as something fun to do rather
than teaching them to think of exercise as a necessary evil.
Good activities include taking a nightly family walk, turning
off the t.v. and instead turning music on that you all can dance
to, or taking a weekend family bike ride. ·Try to prepare (or if
you are short are time purchase) healthy meals. And teach them
the importance of good nutrition. Don’t let them have the
misconception that there are “good” and “bad” foods. If a kid
thinks that candy is a “bad” food, then naturally they will just
want it more. Just try to encourage your kids to eat a balanced
diet each day and to eat sugary or fatty foods in moderation.
Remember that something as small as talking about losing weight
in front of your kids can have very detrimental effects on their
self-image as they age. Damaging behavior learned from a parent
at a young age can take years for a child to overcome. So, the
sooner you start incorporating the tips above into your life,
the better for you child. But don’t forget that it has to start
with you – make sure that you are incorporating healthy fitness
and eating rituals into your daily routine and that you have a
positive body image (no matter what your size or shape is)!
|
|
|
Saturday, 24 May 2008 04:00 |
|
PREDATORS ONLINE
Most of us own and drive a car. While we know that the highway
is filled with dangerous drivers, that fact doesn’t usually
cross our minds when we buckle up. Internet usage is increasing
daily. As we become more comfortable using it, we may not be
concerned enough with the powerful dangers it can present.
Logging on to the Information Super Highway puts us on a broad
road where the dangers are extreme, potentially harmful, and
often subtle or unseen – especially for children.
Would you allow your children to spend one-on-one time with a
known sex offender? Of course not! But letting them surf an
unfiltered Internet could lead to that very scenario. Sexual
predators usually operate alone. However, the communication
power of the Internet has allowed them to seek out victims with
anonymity, greatly increasing their ability to both strategize
their approach and avoid detection.
Using instant messages, emails, and especially chat rooms, they
pose as a minor and look for an unsuspecting child and develop a
relationship with. The patient process often begins by showing
attention and sympathy – particularly in those areas where the
child has disagreements with a parent or other authority figure.
The online predator begins to build a profile of their potential
victim: hobbies, personality/insecurities, schedule,
home/school/work situations, home address, etc. The tone of
communication becomes increasingly affectionate. Sexual themes
are innocently introduced and escalate as allowed by the child.
The ultimate goal is to build enough trust for the victim to be
willing to meet in person.
How do we, as parents, protect our kids from experiencing a
horror like this? By far, the most important thing we can do is
communicate openly with our kids about the dangers of Internet
usage (what to look for in emails, instant messages, and chat
rooms that might be suspicious).
Young children should not have access to email, chat rooms or
instant messaging. You may want to allow your teenagers to use
these tools as long as you have the ability to closely monitor
their activity. You must have full access to where they are
going online and observe the type of chat room conversations
they participate in. They should never reveal personal
information to strangers (such as name, age, gender, school or
address). Make sure they don’t download anything without your
permission. They also need to know that your rules apply when
they use the Internet in other locations (friends’ homes, the
library, school). Tell your kids to NEVER respond to strangers
in emails or instant messages (and report to you if it happens).
The Information Super Highway is an exciting place to navigate,
and now you can do so worry-free. Don’t let the dangerous
drivers out there prevent you from accessing the information and
tools that are yours at the click of a mouse!
|
|
Friday, 04 April 2008 03:00 |
|
Author Interview Raising Courageous Kids: Eight Steps to
Practical Heroism By Charles Smith
In the newly released book Raising Courageous Kids: Eight Steps
to Practical Heroism (Sorin Books, July 2004, paperback, 224
pages), author Charles Smith offers parents a treasure chest of
resources for recognizing and nurturing the qualities of courage
and heroism within their children. Looking at developmental
stages between birth and adolescence, Raising Courageous Kids
provides parents with practical, realistic guidelines for arming
children to meet challenges with courage. As an added source of
inspiration, Raising Courageous Kids features numerous “Mighty
Heart” stories of children who have risen to the level of
real-life heroes through tremendous acts of courage. I am happy
to share the following interview with author Charles Smith and
strongly recommend that parents, teachers, grandparents and
anyone playing a role in the raising of a child or young teen
read this book and begin to implement its principles.
LH: Best wishes on the recent publication of your sixth book,
Raising Courageous Kids: Eight Steps to Practical Heroism and
thank you for participating in this Book Spotlight interview. In
the acknowledgments for this book, you express appreciation to
your own family for their support. To begin, could you share
with our readers a little bit about your own background, family,
and career as an educator?
CD: My father died in the Army Air Corps shortly after WWII when
I was thirteen months old. My mother and I lived for two years
with her parents, my wonderful grandparents. My grandfather was
a storyteller, writer, and radio producer. I still find his
imagination and creativity an inspiration. My mother remarried,
and I spent the rest of my childhood in Detroit where I attended
St. Suzanne grade school and Catholic Central High. I graduated
from the University of Dayton with a degree in psychology. I met
my wife Betsy at Barney Children’s Medical Center in Dayton
where I worked as a play therapist with severely and chronically
ill children. After I graduated from Purdue with a Ph.D. in
child development I joined the faculty at Texas Tech University
where I taught preschool and eventually served as Director of
their Child Development Center. For the last 26 years, I have
been a parent educator with the Kansas State Research and
Extension Service and a professor in the School of Family
Studies and Human Services at Kansas State University. My wife,
son, and daughter, each in their own way, have inspired me by
their courage.
LH: You write that the events of September 11, 2001 prompted the
writing of this book. Why do you feel that the message of
Raising Courageous Kids is so important at this point in time?
What is the main message you hope readers would take away from
the book?
CS: I began working on Raising Courageous Kids the day after
9-11. I was emotionally overwhelmed by the courage demonstrated
that day. I had to understand why the firefighters went up the
steps of the WTC while thousands of office workers rushed to
safety. How could the passengers on United Flight 93 rise up
against their captors? Why did a young office worker lead many
to safety from high in the WTC only to return to rescue more,
eventually perishing in the collapse? I knew that these amazing
acts of courage were not spontaneous acts of combustion. They
were part of a tapestry of a person’s life composed of threads
that could be followed far back into time to where they
originated during childhood.
We live in an age that requires remaining steadfast in the face
of danger and fear. My hope is that this book will increase
public discourse about the meaning of true heroism and the
origins of courage. I hope the book inspires parents to
recognize and nurture the beginnings of courage in their
children.
LH: While the book is not a "how to" or program per se, you
offer eight "Steps" for courage development from the birth of a
child through early adolescence. Could you briefly describe
these steps?
CS: Courage begins during infancy and early childhood with the
emergence of willpower. A baby pushes herself from the mattress
to look around. A toddler gets up after falling down. A
two-year-old tells his dad, “NO! ME NOT go bed!” A wise parent
recognizes the precious spark of willpower even while insisting
that it’s the child’s bedtime. Children need parents who convey
the strength of their restrictions.
The presence of love in a young child’s life builds caring. Our
devotion invites children to care about other people. To reach
out to others in their time of need, children have to have the
ability to care. Research on Carnegie Hero Medal recipients and
rescuers of Jews during WWII reveals a common conviction in the
value of human life.
During the preschool years, children begin to develop the
ability to recognize and evaluate danger, which I call
vigilance. Brain structures responsible for understanding
context and the assessment of risk grow stronger.
Children also learn to regulate and moderate their fear arousal
through composure. Imagine a preschooler climbing up a slide for
the first time or a first grader jumping off a diving board.
These little victories over fear are stepping stones to greater
accomplishments as children grow older. Composure reduces the
danger of panic, which only increases risk.
During late preschool and the early elementary years, children
can learn empathy, which involves both awareness of how the
lives of others differ from their own and compassion toward
their suffering. Caring and empathy both work together to
contribute to valor.
Children can also begin to form a moral foundation that builds
integrity. Their internal code is more like a gyroscope that
points to true north than a wind vane that simply points to
where the wind blows.
Accepting accountability for the consequences of one’s choices
demonstrates a commitment to justice and the capacity for honor.
Children can learn that they make choices that have an effect on
others.
The final step is the capacity for valor, the ability to elevate
courage by a noble purpose. A young teen may intervene when
someone is being attacked or facing some other danger. They do
not simply stand back passively, but neither do they act
recklessly without regard for their own safety or that of others.
Each of these eight steps combine in movement more like a dance
over time than walking up a flight of stair steps. The eight
steps build on each other and continue to grow throughout
childhood.
LH: I loved and was tremendously inspired by the "Mighty Heart"
profiles shared in the book. Can you say a few words about the
origin of these stories and their role in the book?
CS: First, I think it’s terribly important to emphasize that
there are two very different forms of courage. One form of
courage is displayed in emergency situations where quick
thinking and rapid risk management is important. The Mighty
Heart stories illustrate this form of courage. The other form of
courage is more persistent and enduring in situations where risk
and danger continue over time. A child with cystic fibrosis who
faces the struggle of difficult physical therapy and manages the
fear and worry that accompanies the constant danger to her life
is an example of persistent courage. Enduring or persistent
courage is just as noble as the more dramatic and newsworthy
emergency forms of courage. The great risk in emergency
circumstances is panic. The great danger in persistent
circumstances is depression.
Most of the Mighty Hearts described in Raising Courageous Kids
are young recipients of the Carnegie Hero Medal. They serve as
examples of the incredible capacity for courage and heroism that
can reside in young people under the age of eighteen. The
challenge all of us face, regardless of age, is to combine
courage with the capacity for vigilance. Only tragedy can
result, for example, when someone who does not know how to swim
jumps into a raging river to rescue a drowning person. I use the
phrase, “Be smart with your heart.” In other words, don’t run
away when someone needs help or when you might be facing danger.
But do the right thing in a smart way.
LH: What role do you feel faith plays in the raising of
courageous children?
CS: When a child or adult is afraid, the choice to boldly go
forward to do the right thing is made possible by hope. Even the
passengers on United Flight 93 acted in hope to stop the horror
of what the terrorists intended, if not to save their own lives.
The child who pushes herself down the slide or jumps off the
diving board for the first time is acting in faith. Every act of
courage is a risk. The outcome is in doubt. True faith and trust
in God can give strength to weak knees. The test of fear is also
a test of faith. Are we willing to do the right thing, the smart
thing, and place ourselves in the hands of God? The stories of
sacrifice and nobility demonstrated by Jesus and the saints were
an important part of my Catholic upbringing.
LH: For parents with older children (ten to fourteen), is it too
late to begin emphasizing the importance of facing challenges
with courage?
CS: I think there are two parts to your question. First, what
action should we take with older children and second, what can
we expect to accomplish.
I’ll start with the second question. A child who has never
experienced the devotion of a loving adult is at risk for
becoming a sociopath—a person who is incapable of feeling guilt
and shame and has no conscience. This outcome is extremely
difficult to change because early experience has had profoundly
negative effects on brain physiology. Other children may have
experienced this love, but were never encouraged to stand up for
themselves and face fear. A child who has had a lifetime of
running away out of fear is going to have a very difficult time
with finding the heart to face and manage risk during the teen
years. Is it possible to make a difference with this child? Yes.
And that brings me to the second question.
Regardless of the probability of being successful, we should ask
ourselves, “What is the noblest thing to do?” Would that be to
give up? To retreat from the challenge? No. We have to assume
that anything reasonable is possible. We don’t know what lies
within the inner core of this young man or woman that could be
touched by our efforts. The word “inspire” comes from the Latin
for “breathing life into.” We have to believe that we can
inspire any child, while at the same time accepting the
difficulty of the task. This is our own test of courage, to hold
on to hope and do the right thing even when the risk of failure
is high.
LH: Are there additional resources you could recommend that
might assist parents in fostering heroism in their children?
CS: I would like to invite your readers to visit my new website
at:
http://www.raisingcourageouskids.com
There are many resources for them to examine at the site
including several informative PDF files. They can also view my
speaking/travel schedule, read about the book, and send their
comments to me.
Teachers of 11-13-year-old children might be interested in the
Everyday Hero curriculum guide I created at
http://www.ksu.edu/wwparent/programs/hero/
Raising Courageous Kids has several outstanding references that
I think parents and teachers might enjoy reading.
LH: Thank you again for your time and for this wonderful book,
Raising Courageous Kids. Are there any closing thoughts you
might wish to offer?
CS: Thanks for the kind words about the book and for the
opportunity to visit with your readers. I would love to hear
from them about any questions they might have about the website
or the book.
Our greatest monuments to those who take risks and make
sacrifices on behalf of others are not made of stone, steel, and
glass. They are not found in parks, on city streets, or in
public buildings. The greatest monument is an enduring shift in
the human spirit, a transformation made possible by the caring
of others.
For More information or to order Raising Courageous Kids visit
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1893732762/digitalcropper-
20
|
|
|
