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Thursday, 16 August 2007 08:01 |
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Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today’s
teens do want to consider their parents as friends, even though
they think we could never understand the realities of their
world. They are also interested in what it was like being a
teenager during the Stone Age. Life without cell phones or the
Internet must have been unimaginable!
So even with this interest, can parents and teens really become
best friends when competing with busy schedules, and raging
hormones? The answer is a resounding YES…and it is worth the
effort!
What is important to understand is that both of you have to want
the new relationship on a long-term basis. You cannot appear to
be going through the motions, or acting like you are fitting
this new relationship into your busy schedules.
As a father, I knew I was a good provider. I put food on the
table, a roof over my teen’s head, and helped fund those great
sales that saved me so much money.
As important as the father role is, it was improving the “Dad”
role that allowed me to develop a lasting relationship with my
daughter. This also helped me with my two stepsons. Essentially,
I modified the communication and problem-solving skills that I
successfully used at work to improve my relationship with my
teens.
The following are the ten ways that will help you to become one
of your teenager’s best friends:
1. Define what trust meant to each of you. Agree that there will
be no games or hidden agendas—just honesty—to build the trust.
2. Agree that mutual trust is earned by exhibiting consistent
behavior. The amount of trust that you develop will be
proportionate to the amount of freedom that they will enjoy.
3. Anything that is discussed with you must be kept in the
strictest of confidence. This will help reinforce the trust.
4. Talk to them as adults while remembering that they are still
kids. This allows for flexibility during those trying adolescent
years.
5. Become an attentive listener. Multitasking may be necessary
at work, however it will make you appear distracted when
discussing something important with your teenager. Learn to
focus.
6. Ask the right questions without appearing to interrogate
them. It is important that they not fear coming to you to
discuss what is important to them. It is equally important that
they feel that you will take the time to understand what they
are trying to communicate.
7. Do not judge them for their actions or ever say, “I told you
so! This helps in having them continue to come to you to discuss
topics, and encourages them to do things better the next time.
8. When helping them with problem solving, discuss the desired
outcomes first, and what they need to do to resolve their
problem. Then allow them to proactively make their own decisions
based upon the facts rather than reacting to their emotions.
9. Set guidelines instead of making rules for them to follow.
They should have input into the guidelines, and then be expected
to follow them. They will perceive this as fair and in their
best interests.
10. “Hang out” together as oppose to just spending time
together. Remember that there is a difference between motion and
productivity, so make your time together interactive. For
example, if you go to a movie, then go for an ice cream and
discuss the movie. Or play some “one on one” games or sports. Do
what best friends do!
If you want to be a better parent, don’t forget the child within
you. All too often, we get so wrapped up in being an adult that
we forget how to have fun and enjoy life. I found that by using
my imagination, I rekindled my creativity, and this made me an
“okay guy” for my teenagers to hang out with.
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