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Sunday, 20 April 2008 06:01 |
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As a personal coach for men and the publisher of a newsletter,
I’m sometimes blessed with personal stories from readers that
touch my heart. This story sent in from a father helped me to
remember why I’m doing what I do. I’d like to share it with you:
“As a father of two teens, I"ve enjoyed your insight on
fatherhood. I was raised in a loving family environment, but
just as you indicated, my father was the primary breadwinner and
the "backbone" of the family, not an emotional type. As a child,
I never saw him cry or appear weak, nor did he ever utter the
words "I love you". It was just not in his vocabulary, though I
never doubted his love for any of us.
It was not until his last hours on this earth, nearly 9 years
ago, that I saw him cry for the first time. Suffering from the
side effects of leukemia, I was visiting him in his hospital
room.
As I sat on the side of his bed feeding him ice chips and jello
cubes by spoon, it occurred to me that we had reversed roles. He
was no longer caring for my needs, but I was there to help him
with a basic need.
We talked about things that we"d never discussed previously and
as I was preparing to return home to my family for the night, I
turned to him and said "I love you". He smiled and nodded his
approval as I exited his room for the last time.
Unfortunately, he"d been experiencing internal bleeding, though
he never complained or mentioned it to me, and he expired some
three hours after I left.
I feel fortunate to have spent those last hours with him and
that I could express my love to him, though I felt out of
character in doing it. I only wish that it had occurred years
earlier.
As a father myself, I’ve broken the male mold. I freely express
my love not only for my wife but for each of my children. Rarely
does a day pass that I don"t talk with my kids, always ending
the conversation with an "I love you".
I"ll be the first to admit that life is not always a bed of
roses, and that developing strong family ties requires patience
and perseverance. But I’m incredibly proud of the family
relationships that we"ve developed and nurtured in our children.”
Millions of today’s fathers grew up with fathers who were unable
to express their love directly. And yet so many of these fathers
have been able to express their love to their own children.
They’ve done it because they know the pain of not receiving that
love. They know how absolutely vital their expression of love
and acceptance is for their kids. And they’ve moved past the
discomfort of expressing their love for their kids so that they
may thrive.
This is an acknowledgement to the courage of all the fathers who
have ”broken the mold.”
If our world is to change, it won’t be without love from our
fathers.
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