|
|
Thursday, 14 August 2008 16:01 |
|
This is the story of a busy family, maybe a lot like yours. They
are a happy family, but every once in a while they experience
moments of conflict.
"Hey everybody, the coach passed out the swim meet schedule
today", Shane was out of breath as he ran toward the car, his
hair still wet from practice.
"Get in the car. We"ll look at your schedule when we get home.
Sarah has her dance recital announcement too, we can write
everything down on the calendar." Mom smiled at her talented
children in the rearview mirror as she drove toward home.
"Here let me see your schedule", Sarah snatched the paper out of
Shane"s hand in a typical little-sister fashion.
"Oh, no! Mom! Shane has a swim meet on the day of my recital. At
the same time!"
"That is a problem, isn"t it?"
"Give that back. Let me see." Shane snatched the paper back out
of Sarah"s hands (in a typical big-brother fashion). "Which day?"
"Here." Sarah pointed.
Oh no! Mom! That is the match with Victor"s team. I"m going to
beat him this year, I just know it! You and Dad have to be there
to see it!
"Hmmm, I"m not sure how we are going to solve this problem, but
I do know that we have to wait until we get home. A moving
vehicle is not a good place for arguing." Mom shot her stern
look at the two scowling children.
Each child wants both parents at his or her special event. This
is an example of conflict over limited resources.
Discuss Feelings
Back home, Dad joined Mom and the kids for a serious discussion.
"First of all, Mom and I want you to know that we understand how
upset you both of you are. Of course, you want your parents to
experience your moments of glory with you. But, you also need to
understand that this is a bad situation for us big folks, too.
It would break our hearts to ever have one of you believe that
we thought the other"s activities were more important than
yours."
Listen to the other person"s point of view
"But Dad, Shane has 10 swim meets this season. Dance class only
holds one or two recitals a year! That should make my event more
important."
"I know what you are saying is true, Sarah", said Shane. But,
this is a special meet. Victor has beaten me every year, and at
practice, my times have been so great that I just know I will
win this year. Your dancing isn"t a race or anything. Nobody
wins any ribbons or trophies." He used his most reasonable voice
and glanced out of the corner of his eye hoping his parents had
noticed.
Mom did notice and hid her smile at his veiled attempt at
manipulating things in his favor. She then turned a patient face
toward Sarah who had sprouted some tears (a not-so-veiled
attempt of manipulation). "Yes, Sarah, we know that you are
unhappy, but we need clear heads not emotions if we are going to
find a solution to this problem."
Understand that people don"t always agree on everything
"But it"s not fair! He has nine other meets you can both watch.
I only have the one dance!"
"Sarah, Shane feels just as strongly about this meet as you do
about your recital," Dad said. "You don"t have to understand why
he feels that way, you just have to accept the fact that he
does."
Look for creative solutions
"Brainstorm time", Mom declared. "Put on your thinking hats, we
need some ideas here."
"I do have an idea," Shane announced. "Sarah will have a dress
rehearsal for the dance, right?"
"Yes, that"s right."
"Well then, you and Dad could go to the dress rehearsal and then
my meet and see them both."
"That"s a very creative solution, Shane," said Mom as she put
her arm around a fuming Sarah, "but I don"t think it is the
answer to our problem. A dress rehearsal really isn"t the same
as the performance itself"
"Thanks, Mom", Sarah lost some of her stiffness and started
thinking, too. "We could film them for everyone to watch."
"Another fantastic idea, but since we only have one camera we
are back to the same dilemma," Dad said. "Who gets filmed and
who doesn"t".
"Oh, yeah."
Everyone was quiet, thinking. Shane twiddled his thumbs.
Dad broke the silence by joking, "Hey, Shane wasn"t that Science
project you did last year on cloning? It is the only way I can
see how one person can be in two places at the same time."
Two places at the same time...hmmm. Shane stared hard at his
revolving thumbs as an idea started forming in his mind. Soon
everyone was watching those thumbs go round and round, first one
way and then the other.
"No", he said, "not at the same time, but one and then the
other".
"You mean a compromise", said Mom following his thoughts.
"That"s it!" Sarah jumped into the conversation excitedly. "Each
of you could go to one of the events and then halfway through
switch places."
Weigh possible outcomes
"Sounds like a good idea to me", Dad smiled at his children.
"You get equal amounts of Mom and Dad without cutting us into
two. There is something you need to consider first," he said
more seriously, "each of us will miss part of each event. I
might or might not get to see Shane beat Victor. Mom might or
might not get to see Sarah"s perfect pirouette."
"Yeah, we know", Shane and Sarah said at the same time and
grinned at each other.
Finalize the decision
"Okay then, I"ll take Shane to his swim meet and then end up at
Sarah"s dance", Dad said. "That way I can gallantly present the
Prima Donna with her flowers after the show."
"You"re getting me flowers?" Sarah flung herself into her
father"s arms.
"Perfect, that leaves me with Mom for the traditional after-meet
ice cream," Shane declared. "I"ll not only be the fastest
swimmer, I"ll also be the guy with the prettiest mother."
"Thanks," said Mom, "and yes, I"ll let you get two scoops of ice
cream."
Following the above steps when solving problems through
confrontation gives the proper respect to everyone"s point of
view and increases the likelihood of reaching a win/win
solution. I hope it works as well for your family as it did for
Shane and Sarah"s family.
Jean Fisher - http://www.whatsfordinner.net
|
|
|
Saturday, 28 June 2008 18:00 |
|
WHAT DO MOTHERS WANT?
I had a mom, I am a mom and two of my daughters are moms. I
loved mother’s day. It was a wonderful contest ---which mom
could call the other first. Gifts galore and all the love
expressed was wonderful. But, that’s only one day. What do mom’s
really need and want the rest of the time?
1. Family love and respect and help in the kitchen, make your
own bed and take out the trash without being asked.
2. An unexpected hug and “I love you mom.”
3. Peace and quiet every once in a while.
4. Good child care for those who work.
5. Adequate health coverage for her family.
6. Equal pay and no glass ceiling.
7. Good education for her kids.
8. Safe streets.
9.Adequate after school care.
10. Her own choice about how she wants to teach their kids.
11. A family that cares and shows that they do.
12. Breakfast in bed, even when it’s not mother’s day.
Honoring mom on her special day, is a wonderful opportunity to
say and do something special. But, please remember Mom the other
364 days of the year. That’s even more special.
Life is too hard to do alone,
Dr. D.
Dorree Lynn, PH.D.
|
|
Wednesday, 04 June 2008 17:00 |
|
"It"s a good thing" is a mouthful for a new generation of
working mothers
Poor Martha. For five long months she will be forced to leave
all her “good things” behind as she serves her sentence in
federal prison for obstruction of justice. While Martha
Stewart"s recent run-in with the law is nothing to gloat about,
it can be seen as a kind of vindication for mothers everywhere.
It demonstrates in a rather spectacular fashion that while
maintaining perfection at work and at home is a commendable
goal, it is about as realistic as wanting a toddler who changes
his own diapers.
While they grew up with the mantra "You can have it all," many
women are realizing that being a loving wife, a wise and gentle
mother, and successful business woman is more than they can
handle. Unlike their mother"s who struck a blow for feminism by
joining the work force, the most recent generation of mothers
finds itself trapped in a web of feminist ideals and feminine
pursuits.
Old-fashioned values are all the rage with countless magazines
and television programs detailing how to make absolutely
everything from scratch. Gone are the days when a working mother
could pat herself on the back for managing to get a TV dinner on
the table to feed her hungry brood. If it isn"t a gourmet meal
made from organic vegetables grown in her garden, today"s
working mom feels strangely inadequate. If Martha can make her
own Christmas ornaments, and seventeen kinds of cookies while
running a business empire, the underlying sentiment seems to be,
why can"t I?
With Martha"s public stumble, however, mothers everywhere can
breath a collective sigh of relief. Perhaps when it comes to
juggling work and family, perfection is only an illusion and
women can cut themselves a little more slack. Remember, it"s
only "a good thing" if you have the time and energy to enjoy it.
Here are 5 ways to break the Martha Habit:
1. Take your kids to the store, let them choose a bag of
cookies, and don"t look at the ingredients. Once at home, give a
cookie to each child and have one yourself. Pour a glass of
milk, and revel in the fact that your kitchen is not covered in
flour and that there are no dishes to clean.
2. Get your blood pumping once a week. No offense Martha, but
while making your own truffles can be divine, it doesn"t leave a
whole lot of time to stay in shape. Try an activity that will
make you feel like a kid again, like line-dancing, Hip-Hop or
Yoga.
3. Despite the hype, most crafts aren"t cheap or easy. If you
feel your blood pressure rising when you contemplate the amount
of time and money you"ve spent on a project, you should
reconsider the whole endeavor. Next time accept that a candle
from the dollar store burns just as brightly as one you"ve
molded yourself.
4. If your child is in more than 2 after school activities,
think about canceling them. To stop over-scheduling yourself,
you must first stop over-scheduling your children.
5. Take a team approach. Your kids would prefer a piniata of a
lopsided fish to a perfect replica of a Disney character as long
as they got to squish the papier-macher through their little
fingers. It doesn"t have to look perfect to be perfect as far as
kids are concerned, so relax and get them involved in what
you"re doing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Page 1 of 13 |
