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If you’re pacing the floor with a wide-awake baby in your arms
at 3am every morning, but can’t bear the tears when you put him
down, then maybe you need to start doing something differently –
as they say “ if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you
keeping getting what you’ve always got”.
So is there really a magic formula that will enable you to get
your baby or toddler to sleep through the night?
If you’re a parent with a young child then here’s a question
that may make you yawn – what were you doing this morning at
1am, 3am or 5am. Were you sleeping like a baby or were you in
fact cuddling and rocking your little cherub in an attempt to
get them back to sleep? After all that’s what being a parent is
all about – isn’t it?!
A lucky few will have been asleep in bed throughout the night,
but a large percentage of the parenting population will have
been up feeding or pacing the floor with the little bundles of
joy.
Just as your newborn weaves magic through your heart, the
effects of sleep deprivation can cast a spell on your body and
mind. One child in three has real sleep issues before they reach
school age, but these can be overcome in many cases - and it
doesn’t have to involve leaving your baby to cry for hours on
end.
So, Why Don’t Young Children Sleep?
We all sleep in cycles consisting of blocks of light and deep
sleep. If you rock your baby to sleep or let them fall asleep at
the breast before putting him down, you’re heading for problems.
Your baby passes into a phase of light sleep and is more likely
to wake as they realise they’re alone. They’ll cry, you’ll go
back to them and because you don’t know any other way, you’ll
pick them up, rock them back to sleep and put them back in their
cot. And the cycle continues!
Common Sense Way
Controlled comforting was devised by Australian mother-craft
nurse Rhonda Abrahams. It’s kinder than controlled crying. ‘A
baby under 6 months should never be left to cry,’ says Ronda
‘older babies shouldn’t be left for more than 10 minutes crying.’
Rhonda based her technique on common sense. ‘Babies need to
learn to go to sleep by themselves so that if they wake in the
night they’re able to settle themselves back to sleep,’ she
explains. To work, the techniques need to be used for all types
of sleep, or your baby will get mixed messages. And little ones
learn by repetition. So you should adopt this routine for both
daytime and nighttime sleeps.
Ready or Not?
Before starting the programme… üEnsure your baby is well. If
they become ill just as you start the new routine, stop and
start again when they are better. üMake sure that you’re well –
it won’t do either of you any good to be starting a new routine
while your body is under stress. üTry to keep a fairly free week
to devote as much time and effort as possible to making the
routine work. A busy schedule will make it harder, and it’ll
take longer to work. üIf anyone else cares for your baby, make
sure they know what’s involved – nothing sabotages a new routine
as fast as mixed messages. üGet a dim nightlight so that your
baby can see their surroundings when they wake.
It’s Just Routine
A regular routine is the surest way to get a baby or toddler to
sleep independently. Little ones respond to a familiar pattern
of events, and sleeping in the same environment each night gives
then a sense of security and comfort. Establishing a bedtime
routine will benefit not only your child, but also `you and your
partner as you can have a bit of adult quiet time’.
Encourage patterns in the life of your newborn, as these will
turn into routine – and babies learn from repetition. Keep in
mind that a habit can be formed in just three days!
The best way to establish a routine is to use the feed / play /
sleep method. During the day when your baby wakes, feed them and
then let them play for a while. Watch out for tired signs
(yawning, rubbing their eyes, grizzling, hiding their face).
When you notice them, you’ll need to begin settling them. Have a
cuddle before a daytime nap; in the evenings, give them a
relaxing bath. Baby massage can also calm your baby. Never over
stimulate your child before bedtime or think that the longer you
keep them up, the more tired they’ll become and the easier it
will be to get them off to sleep. An overtired baby is harder to
settle, and if you wait until they’re tired to begin their last
feed then they’ll drop off to sleep while you’re feeding them.
The main challenge with this is that your baby will get a fright
when they wake up in the cot by themselves and they’ll wonder
where you are; after all when they fell asleep they were in your
arms!
Settling - Newborn – 6 Months
Unless your baby’s unusually co-operative, prepare yourself for
some crying – it’s useful to have someone else there to support
you.
1.Wrap your baby firmly, but not tightly, in a small blanket or
pram sheet, covering their hands to help them feel more secure
and prevent them from catching themselves in the face if they
flail around. 2.Place them in their cot on their side so that
they’re looking away from you (avoid eye contact), and with
their feet close to the end of the cot. Remember that this isn’t
the position that they’ll sleep in – you’ll turn them onto their
back once they’re asleep. In the meantime, they won’t come to
any harm, as you’ll be in the room with them at all times. Look
at the clock and make a note of the time. You’re going to give
them 15 minutes to settle. 3.They’ll probably have started
crying by now. Place one hand on their shoulder and gently
stroke their back or pat their bottom gently with the other
hand. They’ll probably continue to cry. 4.If, after 15 minutes,
they’re still crying and showing no signs of settling, pick them
up and give them a cuddle (don’t rock them to sleep – remember
this is what you are trying to avoid). 5.Once they’ve calmed
down, put them back in their cot, facing the other way this
time, and try another 15 minute period of settling. Put one hand
on their shoulder and pat or stroke them, as before. If they
start to quieten, take your hand away – the idea is for your
baby to settle itself. 6.Once your baby is soundly asleep, roll
them gently onto their back, loosen the wrapping and leave them.
7.If your baby is still crying, pick them up, cuddle them, and
start again.
The most important thing is persistence. New routines take time,
but just think how much more enjoyable parenthood will be when
you are getting a good nights sleep.
Settling 6 – 12 months
Again, it will really help if you have support. With this
technique your baby will never be left alone crying for more
that ten minutes at a time. Are you ready? Well here goes!
1.Lie your baby in the cot on their back. Ensure that their feet
are at the end of the bed and tell them “It’s time to sleep
now”. Leave the room and wait for two minutes. You want to give
you baby the chance to fall asleep by themselves. As soon as
they realise that they’re alone it is likely that they will
start to protest. If they don’t settle within 2 minutes, then go
back in. 2.Roll them on their side, facing away from you. Put a
hand on their shoulder and keep patting their bottom or upper
thigh gently with the other hand. Do this for two minutes,
repeating the words “It’s time to sleep now” in a gentle and
soothing voice. If the baby us still protesting after two
minutes, then leave the room, and wait out side, this time for
four minutes. 3.If they still haven’t settled, go back in and
try settling them, this time for four minutes. Next time, it’ll
be six minutes, then eight minutes and finally ten minutes. 4.In
the unlikely event that after the ten minute session they still
haven’t settled then pick them out of the cot, give them a
cuddle, calm them (making sure you don’t rock them to sleep),
and when they have settled repeat the process.
You will notice that your child’s crying will reach a peak, and
then it will tail off, often very quickly, until they eventually
settle themselves off to sleep.
As has been indicated throughout this article, the key to
success is perseverance. If you follow this routine to the
letter then within 3 – 10 days your baby should be sleeping
through the night, and be able to put themselves back to sleep,
should they waken.
Good luck and happy sleeping!
To find out more about the It’s Time to Sleep programme then
visit www.smileybaby.co.uk.
If you are looking to tire you little one out then take a look
at www.busylittleones.co.uk to find parent and baby activities
in your local area.
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